Fully Half Empty weblog

This morning I was able to put on a pair of pants that I haven’t been able to wear for nearly 3 years.  I also selected a shirt that was gifted to me last year which I have never worn (because, of course, it was too small).  The shirt is a little snug, but the pants fit perfectly.  Oh what a feeling!

Yesterday I walked “the hall” at my work twice, 15 minutes each time.  Last night after work, I took another walk, about 1 mile in 20 minutes.  The elliptical still seems a little daunting to me, although it shouldn’t.  This morning I got up at 5:30am with the intention of riding the elliptical and then taking a long shower, but I ended up sitting on the couch watching the morning news and then trying on old clothes.  There is always tonight…

This morning my weight is 328 lbs; that’s 80 lbs lost since I started this weight loss crusade.  Pretty good!  Yesterday I returned to work after 5 weeks of short term disability.  There was a week thrown in there where I worked from home, then I got sick and had to go in the hospital for a week.  Bummer days.

Well, all of that is behind me now.  I am feeling better every day.  It’s been weeks since I’ve been on the elliptical, but tomorrow I am going to start back up on it (maybe even tonight if I have the energy).  At my work, we have this one main hallway that is about 1000 feet long.  People walk up and down it during their breaks; I started this yesterday.  I walked for 15 minutes.  I am going to start doing that twice a day at work.

I am finding so many shirts in the back of my closet that I haven’t been able to wear for so long that I can now wear.  It’s almost like getting new clothes.  It’s very exciting and feels good.

This morning my weight is 340 lbs.  That’s 68 lbs. lost so far.

I am finding that, despite this terrific weight loss, most days I feel like I wish I had not had the surgery.  The complications I’ve had have been extremely discouraging.  I feel like I’ve been sick for the last 3 weeks and I still don’t really feel quite right.  I have no energy and have a lot of pain and discomfort in my abdomen.  I can’t help but think there is still something wrong.

Also, I am quickly losing faith in Dr. Wade Barker and his staff.  They just don’t really seem to care.  Any time I need to make an office visit, the wait is always at least 2 to 3 hours.  For example, last Thursday, I had an appointment scheduled at 11:30am to see Dr. Barker.  I was there at 11:15.  I sat in the waiting room until 2:05pm before they finally called me back.  When they did call me back, one of his assistants came to talk to me for a few minutes, then I had to sit there for another 15 minutes waiting for Dr. Barker to show up.  That day I was late picking up my daughter from pre-school; she cried because she was scared.  It made me feel so very angry at Dr. Barker and his staff.  They simply have absolutely no consideration for their patients at all, which I think speaks volumes about their practice overall.

If you are someone in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area and you are considering bariatric bypass, I would strongly urge you to consider another practice beside Dr. Wade Barker.  His practice has clearly grown too quicly and beyond his capacity to manage.  I’ve read that he is a brilliant surgeon, and I don’t doubt it, but he’s simply spread too thin.  Another thing to think about…Dr. Barker didn’t even perform my surgery, one of his attending surgeons did, this kid named Bobby.  Sure, Dr. Barker was there, but just observed.  Whoever performed the surgery, the result was an abcess on my colon.  Then, the extremely poor care that I received at Pine Creek Medical Center resulted in that infection spreading to a secondary infection in my abdominal wall cavity.  These are all facts.

Speaking of Pine Creek Medical Center (in Dallas), it’s the worst hospital I have ever seen or visited.  Avoid it like the plague.  If you are a patient of Dr. Barker and he wants to perform your surgery their, ask him if there is any way it could be done somewhere else, for example Doctor’s Hospital, which is right next to his practice.  Pine Creek is utterly horrible, in my experience.

I am going to try to start writing regularly again.  This has been a very difficult experience and I just haven’t felt like writing about it.  Hopefully the fact that I am getting past that now is an indication that I am getting better…

This morning my weight is 360 lbs.  My weight loss has slowed down quite a bit the last few days; it’s been frustrating.  I am trying to keep a positive attitude, though.  Today, my total pre-surgery weight loss is 33.2 lbs. and my post-surgery weight loss is 14.8 lbs.  Total weight loss to date (over approximately 1 months time): 48 lbs.  A very good start!

In all honesty, a big factor the last few days in my slowed weight loss has been a decrease in exercise.  For more than a week, I was exercising 2 to 4 times a day.  The last 3 or 4 days, I’ve exercised only once per day and I even skipped one day all together.  I am going to rededicate myself to my exercise regimine.

Today I return to work, but I will be working from home this week.  As one would expect after taking 2 weeks off, there is a huge mountain of work waiting for me and I am feeling alot of stress and pressure today.  There are at least 5 things that need to be done ASAP, and each one is 1 to 2 days or more of work.

Well I better get back to it.  I just wanted to put something up since I haven’t written in a few days.

I am dreading going to work today.  It feels like I have so much going on and never enough time to do everything.  I feel like I am always behind at work and never doing a good job, even though I get very positive feedback from my supervisor and peers.  Yesterday I started taking Wellbutrin again (an anti-depressant).  I had forgotten how jittery and anxious it makes me feel.

 I am also starting to feel very nervous…even scared…about my upcoming surgery.  I don’t know why it’s suddenly come on so hard.

 Well, I’d better get going to work…I’m running late.

Welcome to my blog, Fully Half Empty.  My name is Russell and I am morbidly obese.  In the coming months, I will be going through some tremendous lifestyle changes in an effort to combat my obesity.  I’ve decided that having a blog to share my trials and tribulations to an audience, even a very limited one, will help me be accountable to myself and my goals.  I am hopeful that the act of writing down my thoughts, fears, successes and failures will be therapeutic and provide some level of self-guidance.